Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts

Friday, January 19, 2007

Beggers

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So most of us more giving foreigner types in China are a little bit conflicted the more we learn about the the realities of the situation. There are basically four kinds of beggars in Shenzhen. the first kind are the crippled or otherwise handicapped, the second kind are the elderly, the third kind are nicely dressed students with their heads bowed and a short descriptive reason chalked in front of them explaining why they can't their tuition, and the fourth involves children. I've made a rule not to pay children. Typically they'll be performing some kind of [often dangerous] circus act in the street and they're also the most pestilent. They'll come to you inside an open-air restaurant to collect for you merely observing their act.

The elderly and the students get most of my attention. There's an elderly woman camped out on the bridge I use to cross the street to my bus stop. She never really asks for anything, she just sits there all day looking half dead with a small box in front of her. Unlike the cripples, it's almost assured that they're not working for anyone and they get to keep the money you give.

Though I used to give to cripples a lot, I do it with less and less frequency now. Most Chinese will tell you that the Triads, 200+ year old gangs in the Pearl River delta, put them out and take most of the money. I took it as hearsay till I asked myself how the quadriplegic's and other severely handicapped make it to the top of the very steep steps of the cross-over bridge I mentioned before. On top of that, many of them exacerbate wounds so there's always a bloody appendage to wave around. There are many, many stories of Triads making the cripples what they are. Maybe they were kidnapped, maybe they owed some money. In any case, I have little faith that the money I give will be used by the person I give it to. I still give to them, just much less than before.

In the case of the first two pictures above, this woman spent two days going around Bai Shi Zhou. The first day she was wailing very loudly. Not a fake wail, but one of acute physical pain of pushing herself and her son across the pavement. She was being followed by a bunch of school children, as you can see. The situation itself didn't make a lot of sense. How could her son be really sleeping through all of the commotion? On top of that, she didn't stand out as particularly handicapped besides her dramatic method of transportation. But it sent chills down my spine [and I took a picture], so I gave money. I'm sure she needed it more than I do.

Twice I paid these kids in the bottom picture. The first time only because I took a picture, the second time because one of them refused to leave my table until I paid up. I'd love to give the parents a good whack on the head of the head. As you can see, the gimmick was to have one kid holding a metal ladder with her feet while ringing brass chimes like a trained monkey as another child did acrobatics on the ladder high above her. It really, really angered me seeing this. This week, the same kids are doing some strange variation of cartwheels in the street.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Robot vs. Tweaker Methods

At some point this week I decided that it was easier being robot than a foriegn English teacher. I was getting too serious and too frustrated with a group of third graders who wouldn't stop talking while I was teaching. Honestly, I don't rightfully have the skills to teach kids that young. It's too early for all-English classes. It's hard listening to a teacher who speaks half gibberish no matter how much you want to learn. This biomechanical transformation was one of two methods that worked this week.

The first method was acting like tweaky Jim Carry on meth. As soon as the Chinese teacher left I'd say my standard, "Good morning, class!" They'd respond plenty loud, but then I'd stand on a chair and yell it. I'd yell it again trying to scream louder than they could. I had their undivided attention. I'd then hop off, write a category on the board like "food" or "animals." I'd then run around picking students whose hands were shot a mile high. "Cat," they'd say. "CAT!!!!!!!" I'd yell back while giving an enthusiastic and exaggerated high-five crouched down to their little seats. If I was really into it I'd give a psychedelic meow or two.

"Hot Dog!"

"HOT DOG!!!!!!!!"

High-fiving and fake vomiting follows.

The Tweaker Method works perfectly with the little tykes excerpt for two issues that emerge after class. I lost my voice and energy. Out-screaming and out-crazying 9 year olds saps a 25 year old pretty quickly. I'd go into my next class with all the enthusiasm of Ben Stein.

I was going around the room asking them easy questions and I could barely hear the answers under the dull roar of laughter and talking of other students. I couldn't speak over them because my voice was gone. I couldn't dance about acting out "MONKEY!!!" because I didn't have any energy. Getting angry wasn't working. That's just loud and mean gibberish. So I decided to be a robot.

I walked to the other side of the room. I stared at the class. They shut up and stared back. I extended my arm forward making the high-pitch mechanical grind similar to an electric drill. Every move was slow, deliberate, and accompanied by it's own whirring.

They were transfixed. I pointed my finger and asked, "What. Is. Your. Name." in the best monotone android voice I could muster. "My name is...!!!" followed by a squeal of laughter.

When a kid in some distant corner would start talking I'd gun him down with my robo-pencil machine gun and he'd fall over dead on his desk and shut up for a bit. The other kids would giggle and quietly make their own robo-sounds. I was even able to shut the whole class with one swipe of my robo-pencil gun.

It works. I highly recommend the Robot Method to other TEFL teachers with classes to young to know what's going on.

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