Q&A time with Joe Flowers

why did she have to go to the hospital?

There are no general doctors here, so we have to go to the hospital for nearly everything that would require a prescription back home. There are little hospitals in almost every neighborhood. A visit can cost less than $10. The other option, which I prefer, is to self-diagnose using the internet and find the appropriate medication and go to the pharmacy to pick it up. I don't play around with antibiotics though.

why were you sent out of the interrogation room--for snapping what photo? why was anyone interrogating you/her about HER purse being stolen (shouldn't they interrogate the culprit)?

There's a photo on that post that Cody wanted me to take - of the guy asking her all the questions. I was kicked out because I was clearly taking photos official police business. No one really knows why they spend so much time filing police reports with inane questions, but the general consensus is that they just don't want you to file police reports. It makes the stats look bad, maybe. Who knows. It's happened with everyone, even a coworker who saw someone fiddling with his bike locks. One hour minimum in the police station. They tell you it will be quick, maybe 10 minutes, beforehand... which goes against the "they don't want you to file" idea. Who knows... really.

any definitive conclusion on the fetus eating issue?

Hera and my Chinese-American coworker maintain that it's real. My friends admitted they were playing a joke on Hera and I but said they have had placenta before. I don't think that last bit is a joke. That said, these guys eat everything. When queried about eating dogs, saying they're pets not food, the response I heard was, "Not these dogs. They're not my pet." People literally buy snake oil in the street. Someone's gotta think that fetus makes you healthier in some way, and there's gotta be some hospital in need of cash meeting the supply needs of the demand of someone with cash.

if everyone wants to be friends with whitey, how can you be sure that the girls (any girl) isn't also kinda/sorta influenced by the white-ness?

I don't completely follow this question, but I think you're asking how can I be sure Chinese girls aren't also victim to the Blanchaphilia? Many are and there's also a deep shallowness to it. I haven't had a Chinese girlfriend so I really can't speak too knowledgeably on this issue, but I think they're the same wavelength as many of the guys: they see us as curious two-dimensional objects with deep wallets.

Where many of the men might see a future business deal (even my good Chinese friends can't resist trying to get me to sell CCTV camera's [their business] to my filthy rich American friends, that's just one of the expectations in friendship here), some girls might see a potentially bright future for herself and her family. Contrary to the prevailing stereotype of Asian women, I think most Chinese girls aren't too interested in American guys outside of chatting, flirting, and maybe a little dancing at a club.

The one sorta-kinda girlfriend I had before Hera in Shenzhen was only interested in white guys. She saw us as much more than Curious 2D Wallets. She saw us as some sort of liberation from prevailing mindsets. For me it just felt like a fetish and spending time with her felt like wearing a crotchless polyester bunny suit. It was a sick and sinister role.

if you're NOT going to answer their phone calls, why give them your number? ;o)

One word: Face. You never, ever do something that might make someone look like an idiot. If I've used my phone around them and they ask for my number, I need to give them my number. If I said that I didn't have a phone when they clearly saw it they'd look like bad. The problem is exacerbated by the Dork Cord© connecting my phone to my belt loop. I leave my phone everywhere and it's good protection against pickpockets. So they see it. So I have to give my number or make them lose face.

Weekly Observations

Observation #1: Social Harmony

The universe demands it. Extroverts get along great with introverts and vice versa. People play certain roles around certain people. Around introverts I become an exceptionally boisterous, fun-loving, girl-gawking, funny kinda guy. Around overly extroverted people I become a serious, bookish, fact-touting weirdo. Coincidentally, almost every long-term girlfriend I've had is an quietish introvert. I'm most socially awkward around unpredictable or moody people because I don't know whether I'm the yin or the yang that day.

Observation #2: A Football Riot

Bus drivers and their attendants have a choice of what media to play on their bus. About half of all buses have TV's and all have radios. I've been on bus that played techno for my half-hour ride and now I've been on a bus that plays strange cartoons everyday. Whilst watching the cartoon, which had South Park-esque craftsmanship, a riot broke out. It was clearly a football [come on guys, no one else calls it "soccer"] riot] as witnessed by their signs with... footballs. Then the riot police came. And beat the crap out of everyone. The punchline of the cartoon involved two anthropomorphic pigs, with the female one accidentally being assaulted and abused constantly and thus very angry at the male pig. And the final scene the male pig tries to talk a cop out of swinging a billy club at him and instead only infuriates the cop. The cop swings, male pig ducks, and little Mrs. Piggy goes flying through the sky like a reverse meteorite.

"I think there's a lot of collective social experiences we missed out on,'' Grant says. So what, exactly, was that collective social experience being conjured up when those billy clubs came out? Wait, I don't wanna know...

Observation #3: Chinese Time

I've spent most of my first month as Head Teacher assigning order to madness. I started by taping three 8.5x11 printed calendars on our office walls. This has now evolved into a massive effort to enter all relevant data (visa expirations, class times, vacation requests, recruiting info) into Google Calendar and Google Documents (which I can't recommend enough for people needing to share up-to-date information). I've also spent a significant amount of time trying to explain why everything happens last minute. Why one can't easily find calendars in office supply stores.

The biggest reason, in my mind, is the hierarchal structure of decision making in China. Things are strictly top down 'round these parts of the world. Boss Man tells you that you need to be somewhere in 45 minutes, you need to be there. NOW! QUICKLY! And you don't ask later why he couldn't have given you a bit more heads up. Nor do you make the friendly suggestion that he shares information with you. Information is privileged and subject to change. Even in schools, perhaps the most structured environments outside of prisons, have no idea when breaks come or when semesters begin and end. It comes from Boss Man's boss too. It goes all the way to the government. You're typically informed of a decision when it happens. When do you know when your business visa is done processing? When they tell you pick it up. That's when. Bitch.

Mahjong Cops

My 200th post :-) I've been writing seriously* for three years now. Dig around the archives if you'd like. Everything prior to July '06 are op-ed pieces written for the Spinnaker [my college newspaper] or the Folio Weekly [Jax alt weekly]. Mainly just liberal ideas I tried to present in conservative clothing with varying degrees of success. Everything since July has been my experience in China.

Thanks for reading.

* lol
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So as soon as I figure out how to get money out of my credit union and into my Chinese bank account I'm going to buy a new Sony Ericsson camera phone with a 2mp camera. I had my old phone stolen/lost and I'm not taking nearly enough pictures with my bestial FZ-30. I'm used to taking landscape photos. I'm really just too big of a coward to walk up to a stranger and start snapping away while they're at work cooking or begging. Cell phones are so omnipresent here that I can snap away fairly incognito.

What I would have taken a picture of today [and likely lost my new investment] would have been the 25-30 police officers we saw marching in formation down the street as we were scouting for caramel bananas. I went Chinese and jumped across a busy street to follow them. Sixty of my closest friends followed suite. Rubbernecking is a national sport here. It's high entertainment watching a firetruck pass and then see 300 Chinese running after it.

The cops turned a corner into a big alley and broke into a trot. All of them had their special batons in hand: short metal pipes with flattened wedged edges for a bruising whack on the flat side and a bloody whack with the edge. The only people that carry guns are the guys who bring cash to and from banks. They also have flak jackets and a real armored vehicle. Like one I'd feel safe driving through Baghdad in. They carry shotguns, which I suppose is the weapon of choice for mowing down cash-starved crowds. I've repeatedly been told to stop making hand gestures at them suggesting that they want to shoot the foreigner.

Back to the cops.

The turned another corner and sprinted into a small alley and began piling into an apartment building. By this time everyone who could possibly see what was going on had piled up to watch them. Easily 150 people, with me at the forefront. In fact, when they broke into the trot I was told to back off by a sergeant I hadn't seen. I waited to see what what happen... but nothing was immediately apparent. I walked back to Hou Li and asked her what happened. She wouldn't ask anyone and we walked off at her insistence. Being the alley rat that I am I walked us in a complicated circle right back to the scene of the crime.

I begged Hou Li to ask someone what happened. She blushed and refused but kept walking with me back to the scene of the crime. I took matters into my own hand, "nay ga sh she ma?" [not pinyin, but translates to "this is what?"]. An older man told us the story... turns out it was an illegal gambling den of high stakes Mahjong. Apparently the cops likely went in, took the cash, and left. Go figure.

Walking home later I saw another great photo-op and a first for me - I present you with the mental image of a paddy wagon bus. A full-sized city bus with lights-a-blazing [cops always leave their lights flashing here] and a cage fitted inside. It was about half full. Guess some people didn't make enough at the Mahjong table that night.


Tags: Treyopia stories current events cops police China Chinese law gambling weapons mahjong mahjongg