Zombies and The Midway Point

So I just passed my mid-way point in my year contract and I'm back from the [internet] dead. I needed a break from blogging. I needed a break in general. Luckily, I get one with a trip to Thailand, [maybe Laos or Cambodia], and the Philippines in two weeks. Basically, the past month has looked like this: my company told me they wanted me to be a head teacher in March, I accepted. This was coinciding with me getting more active in recruiting and my blog being a de-facto company PR tool. People looking up the company come here. I don't like that one bit. I'll slowly be removing all references to the company so I don't get pulled up at all.

Back to story, things changed pretty quickly. I don't know exactly what happened. The story, as was told to me, was that the guy who I was to replace found out he was going to be replaced and all bets were off. The offer was retracted. I'm still pretty bitter about that. Not that I think the guy should be replaced [especially after hearing his end of things], but that that's the way they wanted to go about replacing him. At the same time I had to retract an job offer they had me make to a retired doctor after offering him a contract. It was deeply embarrassing telling him we wouldn't take him two weeks after offering him a job. My word means a lot to me and I need to be careful who I speak for.

I have a strong suspicion that the person who offered me the job and also told me to offer the guy the contract really didn't know what was going on. In any case, there was bad communication all around.

I was bitter. I still am, but much less so. For awhile there I had a plan. A week after this all came apart I found myself walking to a one-to-one class and I had to stop and say out loud... "what the hell am I doing in China?"

I know how I got here. I know why I came. But I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 25 years old in a non-career job self-studying the hardest language on the planet [not really] without a real plan. And that bugs the hell out of me. As much as I detest the idea of being a businessman, working for my company on that level was really, really appealing for awhile. In an idealized way, it still is.

I'm trying to get my bearings now. It's hard for people like me. I have too many things I'm kinda good at, really interested in, and able to do. I'm so far away from home right now that I feel I can go almost anywhere on the planet... but for what? Why? I need that bigger purpose. I need some ladder I'm climbing to get to some goal.

So I called the Oracle last night. Collectively, I think all my friends back home consist of the Oracle spirit, but this time Jordan Schemmell was the shaman. Take it day, by day, week by week, year by year he says. What do I want right now?

The "plan" I'm putting together right now looks like this: First, I want to stay with Hera. Ya know that Filipino I keep mentioning? Yeah. She's good for me. We're going to burn her factory down and I'm gonna be her arson in shining armor. That keeps me geographically moored to Asia for now. That narrows choices, which is absolutely a good thing right now.

Second, I want that ladder... something to work on that leads to something bigger. I think I might have found it in the form of the University of Hong Kong. They have a two year, two day a week Master's of Education program meant for working teachers. Specifically, they have a Comparative and International Studies specialization. It merges political science and education perfectly. The guy who runs the program is President of the World Council of Comparative Education Societies. In other words, it's a serious program with well-connected staff that's relatively easy to get into with a specialization that I'm really interested in but a degree broad enough to get me into a lot of different places. Hopefully I can strut some of my brain fiber and get an invite to do research with them and work on an Ed.D. for free. Hopefully. Anyway, click on the "the guy" link and tell me that doesn't sound like that kind of research/work/teaching isn't perfect for me.

So that's where I am. Things could change quickly. I'm sure they will in ways I can't even think of right now. That's one thing about being here... you feel like your floating out at sea. Everything is so fluid and dynamic. Everything.

"Tie yourself to the mast, my friend,
and the storm will end."
- Richard Ashcroft