Three male American English teachers and one female. Thirty-five female Chinese English teachers. Four male Chinese English teachers. Mean age of 30. The mode is 24. High is 50. Low is 23. Everything in this equation leads to a chance for Dru, Brian, and I to practice the arts of cross-cultural flirting. I should point out I have not been particularly attracted to Chinese women. I've never considered myself the fashionable type, but it's precisely the clothes sold in Family Dollar are the height of fashion in this land. Cheap gimmicks stolen from a broad range of styles and all polyester. All plastic.
We spent the first week renaming the girls that caught our eye. Some were nice, some were not. L.D., The Face, Too Tall, Stripes... there were other names. The first girl I thought was cute was promptly named "Gollum" because of her height and two particularly sharp incisors. She did, however, have the first [literal] ear-to-ear smile I'd ever seen. I thought this was cute, Dru and Brian thought it was scary. I maintain my position that the sharp teeth were symmetrical, and therefore it can indeed still be cute.
After receiving particularly harsh criticism for my initial pick, I began chatting up The Face. She acquired this name because if you're sitting across from her you stare at her face... it's different from any other face you've ever seen, but you can't pinpoint why. So you keep looking, comparing it to your mental inventory of every other face you've ever seen. Nothing matches. Stare more... wait, no... no staring!
So I asked her if she would like to go visit The Wall on the next day after our excursion to the Beijing caves. Sunday was our free day, see, and on Saturday night we were celebrating the arrival of The Leaders of the Teachers who had shown up in our muddy compound in the mountains for a night of karaoke and business. It was a rather joyless karaoke session. There was no beer and it had the same awkwardness of a middle-school dance. Let me clarify about the beer situation - I was told there was a party. I was told by Brian we would likely have to drink with The Leaders until we were drunk as per Chinese social protocol. So I walked into the room, greeted with a round of applause, with 40 ounces of chilled local beer (peejio) in my hand. I was the only one with a beer in my hand.
Back to The Wall...
So Brian, Kelly, Dorothy (my Chinese teacher/translate/get-me-out-of-traveler), The Face, her roommates and I all took off after the Caves to check out The Wall. The Caves were horrible. Neon lighting, granite floors, running faucet water, and a million Chinese. It was a cheap a tourist trap as anything from my native state. The entire tour was pointing to various stalactites and squinting to see the dragons, armies, crocodiles, and other subjects of Chinese folklore that said calcium deposits represented. So anyway, back to The Wall.
We made into the village to the left of our compound and were quickly hounded by horse hustlers. We bought there game, we agreed to ride there horses to The Wall for 20 yuan per head. That's about $2.50. It was great. I got to ford a deep and dirty creep flinging around an imaginary lasso as I got splashed with the chemicalated water (it can't be that bad, villagers wash there clothes in it). Our tour guides took us to the foot of a steep mountain with a thin trail shooting towards the sky at a 60 degree angle. I was imaging falling several feet off a horse on such a mountain. The girls dismounted. Nobody really wanted to tackle this trail on horseback. So we climbed.
It was steep. Jesse, I have a new found respect for you. I could only imagining climbing at such angles all day for months on end. After about half an hour of climbing we came upon a pagoda and chilled there and admired the view. The horses and guides were waiting for us in the rocky creek basin below. We climbed more. We got to the top... and no wall.
It was a delightful ancient guard tower though. Fog was still lingering from the hard rains a few nights ago, but it had an amazing view of the valley and the villages. It was even better once we got inside. Getting in was a different story. Many of you know I have a fear of heights. Allow me to explain the stairs getting into the tower.
Step 1) take a standard iron-welded staircase platform similar to one you would see at other historic monuments to replace old wood ladders. Step 2) remove the stepping boards we are accustomed to being placed inside horizontal rectangular metal frames, [for those of you not seeing it, the part of the stairs you actually step on] Step 3) remove the first three foreword support bars, so that you have to go straight up four feet, then curve over at a 45 degree angle and climb the other ten feet.
Good, you have a Chinese ad hoc staircase!
We ate peaches on top of the guard tower and made our way down - which was stalled by a near panic attack trying to descend on the same stairwell. We took the horses back to the village and went to dinner. Dru came back later. His party had found the wall and hiked it for two hours.

Posing on top of the watch-tower

One of my coworkers, Kelly, coming down a steep staircase grabbing on to her peach as best she can

Inside the tower

View from the mountain

View from the top

View from the top

Cowboy Sino-Trey
Tags: Treyopia China Stories Life Photography Great Wall Jixian