We'll all float on...
I remember some sort of bittersweet pre-nostalgia fighting of tears a little over a year ago at the House of Jam. Jessica had just dedicated a song to me and Izak had just started playing something he had written after he and Tasha broke up. Casey was to play next. I think Jesse had just popped back in from off the Trail too. I don't remember who else was there but it was perfect. Amazing friends and amazing music, much of it written by those amazing friends.
I realized, on a very deep level, that it would be gone soon. I knew I would be skipping Jacksonville. At the time I thought it would be much sooner, but I knew it was coming nonetheless. Indeed, that moment ended right then regardless of me leaving Jacksonville or not. That's what moments do.
Dynamics changed. They always do. In retrospect, all those friends came and went in cycles. There would be weeks where I would see one of them nearly every day, then not see them for another week or so. I'm sure there was at least one person at that table I only saw a few more times after that. On top of that, there is the unmentionable transcience of biological life itself.
That moment was special because some of the people most important to me were all in the same room doing what we do best. But it was transient. It always is. I'm doing my best now trying to "embrace impermanence," as Abe Kowitz so gracefully said in one his acts of accidental genius. Things come and things go... enjoy them while they're there.
There's a story Abe Lincoln used to tell wherein an Oriental king asks his wisest men to ponder what the truest saying in the universe was, something that would withstand the tests of time and be as true that day as it would be thousands of years into the future. The wise men came back with there answer shortly thereafter, "and this too shall pass."
China has come and China will go. The days when Izak would eagerly play at House of Jam has come and gone. My days of running around Jacksonville in Corolla with 40 bumper stickers is gone. And it's OK that it's gone... I don't know how else to explain this simple thought that has comforted me over the past few months. I know when I return things will be different. I'm sure sixty percent of the people in my old cell I'll never see again. And it's OK... our time has come and passed. I'll be forming even more dynamic relationships with the other forty percent. But change is inevitable... I'm glad I was able to do it on my own terms.
I still miss you guys though.
"Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.
Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?"
- Isaac Brock, Modest Mouse - "The World At Large"
